


When

by PlainTiger



Series: Questions [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Developing Friendships, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mentions of Anthoine Hubert - Freeform, Mentions of Hervé Leclerc, Mentions of Jules Bianchi, Present Tense, Psychological Drama, Relationship Study, tw: crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28013958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlainTiger/pseuds/PlainTiger
Summary: Yet life has made him reconsider it.
Relationships: Romain Grosjean & Charles Leclerc
Series: Questions [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051883
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	When

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Когда](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980694) by [PlainTiger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlainTiger/pseuds/PlainTiger). 



> As always, feel free to point out any mistakes.

After winning F2 and being promoted to F1 Charles quickly found himself surrounded by friends, French-speaking ones in particular. Pierre was already his childhood friend, and Esteban seemed to tone down his rivalry. Romain, though...

He has very warm feelings for Charles, no doubt, not that he has even bothered to hide them. Always asking how things are going and if everything is alright, always with a smile so sunny Charles wishes he could reciprocate. Yet something is bothering him, and he can’t pinpoint what exactly. Is it the dreaded age gap? The fatherly tone of Romain’s voice sounding all too familiar? Or maybe it’s the urge to slap him every time they have a crash?

‘Fuck you!’ Charles lets out a shout right in Romain’s face, and that’s the mildest phrase that comes out of his mouth after the race in Austin. A collision was enough to bury Charles’ hopes for a decent finish, yet Romain is still arguing like he never had anything to do with that. He looks so puzzled Charles’ hands are itching to just strangle him on the spot and call it a day.

‘I’m so sorry I lost my temper, shouldn’t have said that,’ Charles sends the text later in the evening.

‘You serious? Relax, we’ve all gone through that. You’re safe, that’s what matters,’ Romain replies. He got one penalty point for dangerous driving, nearly avoiding the ban, and Charles can’t decide whether it would have been a good thing.

Romain took no offence, indeed. Same smile, same ‘being friendly and calling Charles his friend’ routine, but it’s only now that Charles notices his voice shaking a bit and his eyes sparkling not exactly with joy. In fact, the signs have been there ever since the accident in Spa. Back then, Charles was lucky to escape unscathed: the halo got the worst of the impact, the sheer force of it peeled off the paint. What really hit him was the realization of it, especially the moment when Romain went up to him and absolutely flooded him with questions concerning his well-being. That’s when he first saw desperation in his eyes.

A year later, another French driver dies in a crash, on the same track. Two months after that, the reasons for concern become crystal clear to Charles.

‘Let’s talk. In private,’ he writes to Romain. The answer comes immediately:

‘I was about to suggest the same.’

Talking is hard, even about the brightest moments. Especially about the brightest moments—it hurts like picking at a scab. Charles is on the verge of breaking into tears, constantly, with only Romain’s presence and the warmth of his hands holding them back. Romain is listening to every word, his soft smile lightening up the mood somewhat, but it takes a huge effort from him as well.

‘If your kids wanted to become racing drivers when they grow up, what would you do? Would you support them or convince them to drop it?’ Charles asks.

‘The latter, most likely. It’s one thing risking your own life on the track. Watching your loved ones doing it, unable to help them if things go awry, is something completely different. If I were there, knowing well that every race could become their—’ Romain goes silent, frowning, before adding: ‘I would’ve never forgiven myself.’

‘Even if it were their lifetime wish?’

‘Even if it were their lifetime wish. Anything but Formula 1,’ Romain says, gazing into Charles’ eyes. ‘Honestly, I’m amazed by how your father pulled himself together after the... you know.’

‘Too much was invested in it. And then, they both wanted to see me on the podium no matter what. Calling it quits means giving up, disgracing their memory.’

Romain nods knowingly.

‘They would’ve been proud of you, I’m sure. And, frankly, I’m over the moon that you’re making such progress...’

‘But?’

His blue eyes are piercing.

‘You’re following in his footsteps. Can’t say I believe in destiny, but I don’t want to lose someone who was close to him. Or lose someone once again, period.’

‘Romain, I—’ Charles lets out a chuckle at the worst possible time. ‘I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I know the risks. In fact, if I were you, I would’ve taken care of myself first.’

‘I have a psychologist for that, the rest is up to the car itself. Don’t worry about me.’

‘Don’t want to lose someone as bright and honest as you, either, you know.’

Romain is blushing, lamplight gleaming in his pupils. Something clicks inside Charles, and suddenly he realizes why he can’t be friends with him. Every time he felt like he was losing a tiny part of his soul, every time his heart ached so much that he wanted to just howl like a wolf. The people who had been encouraging him, worrying about him, every time it wasn’t the right time for them to leave.

The first case was an accident, the second carried on the pattern, and the probability theory is already whispering the next name. Losing a good acquaintance would be devastating. Losing a good friend would be the final straw. He simply decided that maybe if he distanced himself from Romain, it would hurt less.

Charles keeps driving reflexively, trying not to peer into the flames, but they have already imprinted on his retina. The race has faded into his subconscious, leaving the head completely empty. The engine is humming somewhere, muffled by the silent screams of panic, and it just keeps getting louder to the point where he can’t hear the words spoken from the radio.

‘Still no information?’

‘Still no information,’ the voice echoes.

He only remembers getting out of the car, everything in between lost in the dark corners of his memory. His legs are carrying him through the pit lane when someone catches him midway.

‘How’s Romain?’ the only words Charles can utter.

‘He’s fine, he’s been taken to the hospital.’

Charles breathes out, and he is back in Bahrain, in the endless hustle and bustle of the paddock. He finds a place to sit, a tiny island of serenity, and the feelings so thoroughly concealed are finally coming out with tears.

A few days later Romain comes back, just as cheerful as before, his smile shining even through the mask. He definitely doesn’t look like someone who has narrowly escaped an inferno. All that is left from that day as a reminder are the bandages on his hands, the ones Charles held back then.

‘Romain!’ he calls him, and Romain walks up to him, stopping just within the necessary two metres.

‘Charles! I’m so happy to see you again! Tell me, how did the race go while I was away?’

‘Eh, it was okay,’ Charles replies. He tries to keep the distance, but something just snaps, and the next moment he flies right into Romain’s arms. Surprised at first, Romain squeezes him tightly despite the pain, his lips touching the hair through the fabric.

‘I thought you were dead,’ Charles says, still shaking.

‘Me too,’ Romain replies jovially. ‘I was afraid of losing you all, so I did what I could.’

Charles doesn’t want to release him. Tears are running down the cheeks before they are soaked by the mask, while Romain’s breath warms the skin. Charles gently relaxes his arms with his eyes closed, and when he opens them, Romain is still here.

‘Sorry, had to check whether I’m dreaming or not,’ Charles says, wiping the tears.

‘I must say you were right,’ Romain answers. ‘I’ll have to take care of myself. Catch up with the family, make up for the lost time.’

‘Leaving the motorsports for good?’

‘Don’t know yet.’

‘If I were you, I would definitely take a break,’ Charles says. He has been smiling all the time since he saw Romain, the thing he has noticed just now. Caught it like a disease, coronavirus’ good twin. ‘How are your hands?’

‘Wonderful! Fingers still hurt a bit when I try moving them, but it will go away, I’m sure of that.’

Romain shows them to Charles, and he touches the bandages. His fingers run carefully through the fabric, while the eyes watch Romain’s reaction. Romain is clearly enjoying this, squinting once in a while when it does hurt.

‘Such a shame you’re leaving like this, no proper goodbyes and all.’

‘Well, there’s always Twitch, so maybe we’ll meet there again,’ Romain winks. ‘Thank you. You’re a real friend.’

Charles finally says the words with a clear conscience.

‘You too.’


End file.
